When it comes to being a human being, there are certain needs that each one of us has. And while there can be certain differences between people, these are ones that apply to more or less everyone.
If one chooses to simply put the affair behind without discussing any of the factors that may have led to the affair, one runs the risk of living a life of constantly wondering whether it will happen again. All of one's questions are left unanswered; one learns nothing, and one leaves the ground fertile for it to happen again or for suspicion to build. Neither party has the opportunity to learn from the experience.
My advice here is to find out what turns HER on. One girlfriend of mine was not able to get an orgasm in any “usual” kind of sphere. Due to her past, she could only fully relax and reach her climax in the shower.
Is this really true? Some experts say that these days, women and men do cheat in equal numbers. The difference is that men who cheat tend to be more "serial" about it -- they cheat with a variety of sexual partners. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to get into a longer-term extramarital relationship.
The other type of first time encounter is with someone with whom you intend to have an ongoing relationship. We will call this scenario “relationship sex.” With relationship sex, it is understood by both of you that there may be an ongoing relationship after the sex. In fact, it would be quite normal for relationship sex to take place after you have been seeing each other for some time. In this scenario sex is not the start of the relationship, but a deepening of it. It is also quite common for a relationship to start with a sexual encounter. If the sex rocks the earth, or even if it is just pretty good, you may want to go further into relationship to see if you can connect on other important levels and make something work together in the longer run. This could evolve into living together or even marriage.
When you find someone else who seems to be looking for the same thing focus on the fun aspects of being together. Look for common interests and pursue them. One-night stands are a very different animal than this sort of fling. Likewise, the expectations are different too. They are sexual but they’re also fun and exciting so focus your energies on how to make that happen.
Secondly, not having sex with your ex boyfriend will help to occupy more of his “mind space.” He is going to be mindful of you. Even more important is the fact that, it’s going to make him want to work to sleep with you, and thus making him commit to you. Therefore, the longer you abstain from having sex with him, the more he will long to sleep with you and thus making him commit.